sincerely blessed

I woke up this morning and jumped out of bed......(all you Troy/CO folks remember that tune??)

OK...not really. I woke up around 3 something this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. I laid in bed until around 4 something thinking about everything and nothing and decided that I'd just get up and start my day. So, here I am.

As I was thinking about everything (and nothing), I was again reminded how incredibly blessed I am. I can undoubtedly say that from some people's perspectives (mine included), my life hasn't been easy, but when I look at the world around me, well, that perspective is jolted quite a bit.

The following are my thoughts this morning. They are a bit scattered, so forgive me for that. Just have a lot on my mind and want to record it here.

I live a life of luxury. Our home is beautiful, our neighborhood is beautiful, our city is beautiful. Our daughter is healthy and a joy. Our baby boy, who delights me daily with his kicks and turns, is due in just a few weeks (and I'm praying continuously that he is healthy). I have a husband who loves Jesus, loves me and loves our children. He has a wonderful job that the Lord blessed him with almost five years ago and we've seen His hand in so many ways in this job.

I bragged about my husband yesterday in Sunday School. I bragged that he is a man who puts Jesus first in his life, then his family, then his job. I wasn't kidding. Please don't misunderstand. My husband is as imperfect as everyone else, but I married him knowing that he is passionate for our Lord Jesus and that his desire is to follow closely to the law of the Lord in his life and in our family. And I can honestly say that he still desires for that to be the standard in our home and marriage today. Again....no perfection here. We're as messed up as many others, but God has used the many trials we've journeyed on to somehow mold us together as one. Undoubtedly, this is due to the amazing body of believers we are surrounded by praying for us so much, which leads me to why I feel so blessed.

God has given us such remarkable, caring, compassionate friends since having moved to this state. And I guess that the majority of those folks go to our church. I've definitely also been blessed with some neighbors who are some of the most kind and giving people I know. But as I was laying in bed this morning thinking about everything (and nothing), I just had to smile at how many people in our body of believers love us deeply and have prayed for us through some very difficult times.

I was reminded the other day of how I truly feel like someone is always praying for me. I've felt like that pretty much my whole life. That God has somehow had His hand on me through the prayer of others. I'm pretty positive my mom spent many an hour in prayer for me...wondering how the heck I'd turn out and what decisions I'd make. If her prayers were anything like mine for my sweet girl, I'm sure she was praying that God would put people in my life along the way to help me in this journey. Well, Mom...the Lord answered those prayers...in awesome ways.

Pretty much since high school (and probably before), I've had other women in my life (usually older woman - how Biblical is that?) take an interest in me and my life. To the point that they would...as they were going (Greek for "go" in the Great Commission).....teach me God's Word and how to live accordingly. And many of these women MUST have had the love of the Lord in them, because I know I wasn't always lovable. And yet they loved me unconditionally and prayed for me.

Goodness, I really am rambling. I guess what I'm trying to say is that in this moment, I feel loved and cared for.....that God is taking care of me (and has taken care of me) through the body of believers all along the way.

And right now that body consists of many, many, many amazing folks at FBCK. Thank you for loving me and my family. For caring enough to not let me sit in sin, but to encourage me in my walk with the Lord.

As I mentioned earlier in this post, when I look at the world around me, I actually have lived a VERY EASY life. I'm in no way undermining the pain I've personally been through, because it has been PAINFUL, but I'm just daily reminded from how much I've been spared. Not once have I ever gone hungry. Not once have I ever worried where my next meal would come from. Not once have I wondered if I'd have a roof over my head or clothes on my back. Not once have I worried for my life (though I do often think of 9/11 when I hear a low-flying plane overhead).

Like I said....EASY.

I was blessed to be able to attend the Women's "intreat" at our church this past Friday evening. I honestly don't think I've been that convicted in quite awhile after leaving a similar event. The whole talk that evening was on the "self side of the cross". In essence, it was about how the biggest thing that is keeping us from living our lives fully for Christ is self. That couldn't be more true in my life. I took the long way home that night and just cried. I cried in shame over how selfish I really am and I cried out to God to help me change.

Bottom line: I want to be different. I want to be a light in the darkness. I don't want people to wonder whether or not I'm a Christian. I want to be a joyful, godly mommy to my children, teaching them God's truths as I'm going and coming. I want to put others first - my husband especially. I don't want to be a grouch or a complainer. I want to remind myself daily of how much I've been given...how blessed I really am. I want to be thankful always. I just want to live differently.

That's about all I have to say for now. Thanks for reading. Blessings to you and yours.